


It’s okay, to be unhappy.

by bokutoe



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Light Angst, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:13:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bokutoe/pseuds/bokutoe
Summary: They did not exchange any words for a few minutes until Iwaizumi finally spoke up,“You’re not okay.”Oikawa was about to smile again when Iwaizumi sat up and wrapped himself around Oikawa, positioning his head at the crook of Oikawa’s neck.“It’s okay, you know, to be unhappy.”
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 103





	It’s okay, to be unhappy.

**Author's Note:**

> a slight tw! mentions of !!wanting!! to self-harm. i really wish i could write nicely, i hope you can enjoy my mediocre beginner writing

When he saw his own reflection in the mirror, Oikawa grimaced painfully. Because he couldn’t stand the sight of himself, he loathed his own existence to the point it felt like he was gripping onto shards so tightly that he feels like bleeding. He starts by smiling at the mirror until it starts to look natural, it hurts to smile, he thinks. Though he still does it, for the sake of his image. 

His mother’s calls snapped him out of his shallow thoughts as he made his way out of the bathroom after washing his face, “Hajime is here!” she shouts from downstairs, Oikawa hears footsteps slowly approaching and he stopped in his tracks to wait for his childhood friend to appear. 

“You’re still not ready? We’re going to be late, dumbass.” Iwaizumi scowled, but still pushed Oikawa inside his room and waited for the latter to change his clothes as he sat down on the floor, hands naturally making their way to Oikawa’s blankets and he started to fold them for him. 

Oikawa was staring at Iwaizumi, eyes never leaving the boy as he slipped on his shirt. “Iwa-chan, you know you don’t have to do that.” his cheeks forcing themselves to stretch into a lazy grin, the soft hums of Iwaizumi alone calms him down. 

“You never tidy up your shit.” 

*

Because it’s the exams, club activities were temporarily suspended until the exam season itself was over. Oikawa felt even more fidgety than usual, without the ball firmly bouncing from his fingertips he decided to tap his fingers against each other as they walked home. 

Iwaizumi wasn’t talking at all, as always. He’s always in silence on their way back home and Oikawa genuinely appreciates that but today, it just made him anxious. He shoots secret glances towards his own best friend from time to time yet the other boy just seemed unbothered, his resting face still a scowl, lips slightly pouty, but eyes were gleaming with this fiery confidence that he always had since they were kids. 

“I really like your eyes.” 

Both of them stopped by the traffic light, the chattering of strangers and the whirring wheels of the cars passing by, completely drowned out Iwaizumi’s voice as he answered Oikawa. 

Oikawa tried to make out what Iwaizumi had said but he really couldn’t hear him, instead of pestering the boy about it, he just smiled without much thought. 

The two went home without saying much, still, they communicated in comfortable silence.

For Oikawa, it was just another day of being drowned in self-loathe. Behind everything that he smiled for, it was a boy crying for help. 

*

He felt like he’s nearing his own limit, Oikawa simply could not find a solid reason as to why he shouldn’t hurt himself. Everyday he feels like as if he’s breathing razor blades, it never reaches down his lungs, instead it’s always stuck in his throat, scratching away everything he worked hard for, he feels like vomiting. 

But still, he needs to force himself to breathe. He promised Iwaizumi that he will be going over to study, after all. Just a little bit more, maybe it will get better. 

As he made his way towards Iwaizumi’s house, his phone started buzzing. He sighed in relief when he saw the contact name.

‘Iwa-chan <3’ 

“What?” 

“What’s taking you so long?” fondness and impatience can be heard from the other line, the familiarity in this tone warms Oikawa’s chest, he felt slightly safe in his own skin again.

“I’m almost there, you worry too much.” 

“I wasn’t worrying.” 

“Yes—”

The line ended, Oikawa chuckled at his phone as he rang the bell of Iwaizumi’s house. It opened almost immediately and Iwaizumi pulled him in, ushering Oikawa to remove his shoes as they made their way to Iwaizumi’s room. 

They studied the whole night, Iwaizumi’s mother insisted that Oikawa should stay over, she already contacted his mother about it. It’s the weekend, it’s okay. 

So he did, a futon already nicely prepared next to Iwaizumi’s bed, along with some pyjamas that they especially bought just for Oikawa. Because sleep overs are common between the two, even their parents buy things for the other boy because it has always been Tooru and Hajime together. 

Oikawa couldn’t sleep tonight, so many nights that he’d slept in the same room as Iwaizumi only these days he feels strangely nervous about it. 

“What’s wrong?” Iwaizumi’s voice was gruff, tired but it still managed to lace itself with worry. 

Oikawa only hummed in return, shifting to face Iwaizumi’s direction, only for him to meet the boy’s gaze. Even in the dark, Iwaizumi’s eyes are crystal clear. 

Suddenly, Iwaizumi scooted away from his position, it was a sign of invitation. But Oikawa waited for him to verbally express it, he wanted to hear Iwaizumi talk more. 

“Sleep next to me, damn it.” 

Oikawa hesitantly slid himself under the blanket next to Iwaizumi and hugged himself, even though it was warmer beside Iwaizumi, he still felt cold. Iwaizumi turned to look at Oikawa and he smiled, both of them were just examining each other’s features in the dark. 

“You’ve been strange lately, what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know either, Iwa-chan. Let’s just sleep.” 

The air was getting tighter, Oikawa wants to cry. Iwaizumi sighed, but didn’t further question it. 

That night, Iwaizumi stayed up to wipe Oikawa’s tears as he noticed the boy cried himself to sleep. He pulled his friend closer to him until he felt Oikawa relax at the sensation, he fell asleep with his friend securely wrapped in his arms. 

*

Oikawa knew he was starting to worry even his own teammates, all of them were glancing at him doing badly during training. He hates the fact that almost everyone’s eyes were on him, watching him fail miserably at something he was supposed to be good at. His fangirls were whispering, whining out their worries, he shoots them a smile and they all swooned. 

The coach ended up subbing him out for the rest of their training as he sat beside him, “Bad day?” 

Oikawa smiled, “I guess so. I’m sorry.” He felt the coach pat him on the back, “It happens, kid. I hope you’ll feel better soon, just go home today if you want to. Get some rest.” 

He took the coach’s advice and went home early, holed himself up in his room for the rest of the day. He didn’t bother eating dinner, he didn’t want to move from his futon. 

Until Iwaizumi came over and effortlessly invaded his personal space, the vice captain was huffing, evident that he ran over here. 

He flopped beside Oikawa and stared up at the ceiling, Oikawa was watching how the way Iwaizumi’s chest rise up and down made him calm down, it made him feel alive, somehow. 

They did not exchange any words for a few minutes until Iwaizumi finally spoke up,

“You’re not okay.” 

Oikawa was about to smile again when Iwaizumi sat up and wrapped himself around Oikawa, positioning his head at the crook of Oikawa’s neck. 

“It’s okay, you know, to be unhappy.” 

Oikawa was frozen, his mind momentarily shut down and he felt something wet on his cheeks. He was crying, and they wouldn’t stop. He shakily returned Iwaizumi’s hug and grasped at the ace’s shirt, not letting go. 

Iwaizumi slightly pulled away to wipe off Oikawa’s tears, Oikawa’s legs were wrapped around Iwaizumi’s waist. He was still holding onto Iwaizumi’s shirt, words he’s trying to form out just disappear into the thin air when he feels himself break again. 

Yet Iwaizumi was still there, Oikawa was surprised that the boy wasn’t disgusted with the amount of tears that he’s shedding, instead he’s wiping away Oikawa’s tears and snots. 

Oikawa snuggled closer to Iwaizumi, he felt the latter comb his fingers through his hair, he closed his eyes and let himself be relaxed against Iwaizumi’s touch. 

Then Iwaizumi kissed his forehead, his cheeks, his eyes, his nose, then his lips. He kept on doing so until Oikawa’s cheeks reddened, he tried to hide his face but he failed at doing so because, he’s against Iwaizumi, he could never win against him. 

Oikawa could only chuckle at the boy’s actions, he kissed him back, and they stayed like that until Oikawa calmed down and both of them were snuggled up against each other. “You don’t have to shoulder everything by yourself.” 

“I know that now.” 

“You’re perfect the way you are.” 

“Mhm.” 

“So, so perfect.” 

“So why did you kiss me?” 

“Shut up, idiot. You know why.” 

“I want to hear it from you!” 

Iwaizumi was avoiding Oikawa’s gaze, but he managed to mumble out the words Oikawa was anticipating. Oikawa felt himself genuinely smile, and for the first time in a while he didn’t really hate everything. 

“Thank you, Iwa-chan.”


End file.
